Let’s talk about If by Rudyard Kipling—the poem that’s basically a step-by-step guide to being a total boss at life. You’ve probably seen it on a motivational poster somewhere, or maybe your grandparents had it framed on the wall. It’s the kind of poem that oozes with advice on how to keep your cool when everything around you is falling apart. Which, let’s be honest, feels like most days when you’re a parent, or a functioning adult, or just a human in the 21st century.
Now, as a mother of nine, I feel like Kipling’s If should be required reading for anyone with kids—or even a dog, a job, or just a tendency to get caught up in the chaos of daily life. I’ve spent years juggling everything from toddler tantrums to teenage drama, all while trying to keep the house from burning down (metaphorically speaking… mostly… there were a couple of incidents). So when Kipling throws out lines like, “If you can keep your head when all about you / Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,” I just want to clap and say, “Amen to that, Kipling!”
Keeping Your Cool: Easier Said Than Done
Let’s be honest: the whole “keeping your head when everyone around you is losing theirs” part? That’s a daily challenge in my house. It doesn’t matter if it’s the great Chewing Gum in the Hair Incident of 2008 (which resulted in a lifetime ban of all chewing gum for anyone under the age of 10) or a teenager (any teenager… all the teenagers… ) slamming the door because “life is so unfair”—the struggle is real. Kipling’s advice here sounds lovely and wise, but it’s a whole different ballgame when Mouse is practicing his dance moves in the kitchen while Trick is deadpan roasting Boo during a game of Mario Kart. Keeping my head? Ha! Some days, I’m just happy to survive with a fraction of my sanity intact.
But Kipling’s point stands: the more we learn to keep our cool and not lose it when life’s coming at us from all angles, the better off we’ll be. And this isn’t just about parenting; it’s about life in general. So maybe the next time chaos strikes, instead of going full meltdown mode, try to channel your inner Kipling—breathe, stay calm, and don’t let the madness around you dictate how you feel. (Easier said than done, I know. But it’s worth a shot.)
Patience: A Superpower We All Need
“If you can wait and not be tired by waiting…” Now, let’s talk about patience, a virtue I didn’t know I needed so desperately until I became a mom. Waiting for a toddler to put on their shoes? That’s the universe’s way of teaching you Zen-level patience. Waiting for a teenager to actually come out of their room when you’ve called them for dinner three times? That’s advanced-level patience, people.
Kipling nailed it here—patience is a superpower. And honestly, it’s one that gets better with practice. I’ve found that with each kid, my patience has expanded (or maybe it’s just sheer exhaustion and I gave up, who knows). Either way, Kipling’s reminder that we need to wait without losing our cool is something I try to remember daily—especially when it feels like I’ve spent the last 20 years just waiting on someone for something.
Don’t Let Doubters Get You Down
Then there’s Kipling’s advice about dealing with doubt and negativity: “If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you / But make allowance for their doubting too…” Basically, what he’s saying here is, “Trust yourself, but don’t be a jerk about it.” It’s okay if other people don’t see things the way you do—just don’t let their doubts shake your confidence.
As a mother, this advice is gold. Everyone, from your own mother to the cashier at the grocery store, has an opinion about how you should raise your kids. (Why yes, I do know that my toddler’s shoes are on the wrong feet, thank you for pointing that out, Karen.) The trick is to trust yourself while allowing others their opinions without getting defensive. And I’ll be honest, some days that’s easier than others. But it’s a work in progress, and Kipling’s words serve as a good reminder not to let every bit of outside noise throw you off course.
Success and Failure: Handle Both Like a Boss
Kipling also throws in this nugget: “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster / And treat those two impostors just the same…” Now, I’ve had my fair share of triumphs and disasters (usually both within the same five minutes), and the key to survival is learning to keep a level head through it all. You can’t let the victories go to your head or let the failures drag you down. You just keep moving forward because that’s what life—and parenting—is all about.
Whether it’s a day when all the kids miraculously got along or a day when everything went sideways (hello, laundry mountain and unscheduled trips to the ER), Kipling’s point is that both success and failure are temporary. They don’t define us. So take it all in stride—celebrate the wins, learn from the losses, and keep going.
Takeaway: Be a Boss, But Stay Humble
At the end of the day, Kipling’s If is all about staying grounded no matter what life throws at you. It’s a reminder that while we can’t control the chaos, we can control how we respond to it. Keep your head, trust yourself, and handle success and failure with grace. And when all else fails, remember that patience is essential—whether you’re waiting for life to calm down or waiting for your teenager to finally clean their room.
Now, go out there and be the calm, cool, collected boss that Kipling knew you could be. Even if that just means surviving another day without losing it completely—hey, that counts as a triumph, too!
Action Steps:
- Practice Patience in Small Moments: When you’re stuck in one of those never-ending parenting (or life) moments, take a breath and remind yourself that waiting is a skill. Whether it’s a toddler tying their shoes or a colleague delaying a project, challenge yourself to be patient and keep calm.
- Handle Success and Failure with Grace: The next time something goes right—or wrong—acknowledge it but don’t let it define your day. Celebrate wins quietly and treat failures as learning opportunities. Keep moving forward without getting caught up in either.
- Trust Yourself, But Stay Open to Feedback: When others offer their unsolicited opinions, take them in stride without letting them shake your confidence. You know what’s best for your life or family—just remember Kipling’s advice to stay humble and balanced in the process.